Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Turkeys can drown if they look up while it is raining. They can also have heart attacks.(

What a sad existence. Reminds me of how Monica and I rescued Maximus, Wilbur, and the Spaniards. (My baby fish)

Is today really the day before Thanksgiving?!

Goodness, how did that happen?

I have a lot that I am thankful for, as does everyone of course. Well I don’t know about you but one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving is getting to watch The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. This year will mark their 83rd year.

Now that it is almost Thanksgiving that means that beautiful, wonderful, amazing, perfect Christmas is next! I haven’t a clue what to get anyone. I know of a few things I want though.

1.) Lancome Hypnose Senses (EAU DE PARFUM SPRAY)
2.) Newton’s Cradle (yes I said it)
3.) And the loveable gift card or two

"This is woefully underdeveloped."

My best friend received this comment on her paper. Oh college. Only at CSUCI. I don’t know what I would do if I were to get a comment like that on one of my papers. I would probably resort to some sort of non-sensei cal childish retort. I would probably want to go back to high school right away.

Thinking back, I haven’t had many male teachers. When I did have male teachers I had them as science or math teachers. Even in college, so far I have only had one male English teacher. I also have realized that most of the books I read (especially the memoirs) have been written by men.

"Slow Down Beautiful."

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking” Nietzsche

I believe it. One of the great things I miss about my hometown while I am away at college is walking to school in the morning. Many times I have imagined myself walking away from my house all bundled up in my pea coat with my music playing. It is a great way to begin your day and at times I miss it dearly.
One of the great things about going home is the comfort and the fact that you get to just be, even if it is only for a little while.

I am not sure why but now instead of getting to watch about three old “Sex and the City” episodes, “The Hills” is on now. Not sure why, but I am bummed.

Oh and I have a third most beautiful place: Wilmington, Ohio!
1.) Miwuk, California
2.) Strawberry, California
3.) Wilmington, Ohio
4.) Santa Rosa, California
5.) Castro Valley, California

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"There's a sucker born every minute."

Well i was gonna get to homework but then i saw that Allie had this posted and i figured i would do it too (Go me! )

i have italicized and put in bold the things i have done

High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.

Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Accidentally burned yourself

Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Accidentally cut yourself
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

"Love does not begin the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is growing up." (James Baldwin)

I’ve never been a know it all. I definitely wasn’t class valedictorian. I don’t know all the answers and I don’t want to. I am not a relationship expert and I don’t pretend to be. I only speak from experience, emotions, true observance and persistence with the aim to perhaps enlighten but mostly to identify.
It takes a lot of confidence and faith to believe in anything and I believe it takes double that amount to believe in Love. As we grow, we sometimes become cynical. I promised myself that no matter how much it hurts or how many tears touch my pillow at night, to never lose my faith in love. It has proved to be exhausting, but if I were to lose that faith I don’t know where I would be. Believing in love is sort of like believing in Santa Clause or the existence of a God. It takes immense reassurance, devotion, and humility. Through the years, with much time and patience, I have learned how to be myself. I was often the girl you play baseball with and crack jokes with, not the girl you asked to slow dance or watch a movie with on a Friday night. I took Woodshop and spent more hours in a karate dojo than I did having girl talk. I didn’t have polished nails and was sometimes the Farrah Fawcett of bed head. After trying to assimilate and years of awkwardness I have found that one of the key difficulties in being oneself is having the confidence to do so. Having the guts to say hey, I am interesting, I matter, I am pretty damn amazing and worthy of notice. I was once told at a young age that I had a lot of guts. Guts: my second favorite word. Whenever I hear it I can’t help but imagine a rusty gritty bucket full of courage, fresh chunks of self-assurance and drops of valor dripping down the side of a worn tin as it mixes with dirt and grime.

“Dream Lover”(Mariah Carey)

Relationships are definitely not what I thought they would be. I did not exactly have one whole idea of a definition of a relationship because things just aren’t that simple but rather many small bits of how things would be. Most ideas tend to come from what we know, what we think we know, what’s familiar, and what we have witnessed or learned. The same thing can be applied to one’s idea of a man. A girl I know once informed me that she wants a man like her father. I found this to be a rather silly comment. Men don’t want girls like their mothers or grandmothers. One wouldn’t say I want a man like my uncle because that’s just creepy. I think if you get a man like your father it would be confusing as hell and may just set up a false sense of security. That’s not to say that men can’t be trusted, but I just found it rather fascinating.

Be careful or “You'll give yourself a nose bleed”(Titanic)

I for one greatly admire women for living in such a love powered world. I am not sure how they do it without going all street rat crazy. Apparently in this life, love isn’t all you need. You need smokey eyes, a little black dress, the perfect scent, coyness, the best mascara, flirting skills, alcohol tolerance, as well as a love tolerance. For some reason, women always come back for more. They are the Rocky Balboa of the dating world. Their foolish hearts do not give up. Women tear themselves up over love. On the outside they are optimists, the grinning wide-eyed child saying, “ . . . it could happen”, but on the inside they are longing and hurting because all they want in their world is to be loved. What does she want for Christmas? Tenderness, someone to kiss at mid-night on New Year’s, someone she will no longer have to wish for. Yet is this all even attainable? That is the question, the curiosity, the need to know that keeps women coming back for more.

“Love is an irrational act of substituting another person’s self interest for one’s own.”(Giddens)

Or so my sociology book says. I can believe it though. How else does one explain the world? Billy Currington is right, “People ARE crazy!” or at least lovers are. And even crazier are those who are not currently in love. Or they are in love but it is just unrequited. Also known as the single women of the world. I will always identify with those who want love so badly it hurts. Even if I get married, my heart will still go out to them, not in pity but in respect, because part of me will always be a single girl. Word to the wise, if you want a single woman to give you the evil eye and want to slap you with her flip flop then do tell her, “It will happen one day. I know your Mr. Right is out there.” I don’t know about you but I despised saying such as those. I sometimes just wanted others to agree with me, “Yeah you’re right. Life’s a bitch sometimes. Who knows if you’ll ever find anyone who truly wants to be with you.” But sulking is no fun although sometimes it makes you feel better, just be careful not to do it for too long. At times it is extremely difficult to believe in love. And when love is coming your way it can make you sick. I for one have felt like vomiting from all the excitement. Especially the giddiness that accompanies that first kiss. You can’t do anything at that point, so don’t even try. You may just want to give into your urge to just sit around and smile.

“I know that men don’t like women who try to own them.”(White Oleander)

Alright now. So don’t be too foolish when you’re twitterpated or else you may just regret it. You want a New Year’s eve proposal followed by a kiss like the ones in the Kay commercials? You want a Lake Tahoe wedding? You want the lyrics of your favorite Country songs to come true? Then be very careful. He likes you so chillydown. Don’t let his stereotypes of women in relationships come true. This is the part of all those magazines I will encourage one to listen to. The don’t be a crazy woman advice. Don’t try to change him. You can buy him a cozy pajama shirt but don’t tell him what to wear. His love for you shouldn’t be measured by how well you can “train him” to make you happy. Don’t be excessive, don’t be wishy washy because how is he to know what you want and or need when you don’t even know. Love is about compromise and understanding not about winning and losing. Oh and if you want Bridesmaids, do not, I repeat do not, abandon your girls because before you had him, you had them, your true soul mates and if you’re smart you will always have them.

“If I own a soul I have not heard how to take care of it for many a long day.” (Fanny Fern Soliloquy of a Housemaid)

Some women need men. Or at least they feel they need men whereas men are fine alone. Something within a woman whether she knows it or not has engineered her to long for something so uncertain that she may just spend her whole life searching for fulfillment. Women defiantly spend their money and time working towards their desires. Yet how often do they work on themselves? Some women become so tangled up in finding all the answers and having it all they forget to look within. Before one can build a life with another they must build their own and know their own individuality and spirit. I want for women to be empowered by themselves and to know the worth of their souls is much more valuable in the long run than assimilating to life’s little instructions for finding a man. So to every woman who may be reading, cherish your significance and don’t forget to stop and take care of your soul.

Friday, November 13, 2009

" We got a dollar ninety-eight, and you're laughing! "

On my lonely little Thursday, with the help of netflx, i watched one of the most beautiful films i have ever seen, Bonnie and Clyde. It had the air of Paper Moon and so much heart and ambition. As far as beautiful people go, I take every declaration all back because Faye Dunaway wins hands down.

"You've heard the story of Jesse James / Of how he lived and died / If you're still in need / Of something to read / Here's the story of Bonnie and Clyde. / Now Bonnie and Clyde are the Barrow gang / I'm sure you all have read / How they rob and steal / And those who squeal / Are usually found dyin' or dead. / They call them cold-hearted killers / They say they are heartless and mean / But I say this with pride / That I once knew Clyde / When he was honest and upright and clean. / But the laws fooled around / Kept takin' him down / And lockin' him up in a cell / Till he said to me: "I'll never be free / So I'll meet a few of them in Hell." / If a policeman is killed in Dallas / And they have no clue to guide / If they can't find a fiend / They just wipe their slate clean / And hang it on Bonnie and Clyde / If they try to act like citizens / And rent them a nice little flat / About the third night / They're invited to fight / By a sub-guns' rat-a-tat-tat. / Some day, they'll go down together / They'll bury them side by side / To a few, it'll be grief / To the law, a relief / But it's death for Bonnie and Clyde. "