Fearless

Yesterday while at the gym, after the stair master and leg work, I cut my time on the elliptical short because I thought, today’s the day, today is the day I play basketball with those boys.

So I hit the pause/reset button and headed out to the court. When I got there, I watched. Watched the ball hog, watched the cute one, watched the clearly exhausted one, saw the showoff. When the game ended I crossed the court to shoot around. My first shot was nowhere near the basket and did what every first shot should do. As the ball bounced off the rubber siding around the frame, it reminded me these baskets are real, unlike the 50 inch ones that the kids at work play on. With a laugh at myself, and a little more effort, I start making shots, and looking better. Although I wanted to play, I didn’t; I sat and watched.

And then I remembered the last time I played basketball with some boys. Three years ago in college, I played basketball with the boys. Although I was often wide open, they didn’t pass to me, but afterwards I found it was worthwhile, because one of the boys had taken notice. He was loud and kind and said I was fearless for getting in the game. Whenever I saw him on campus, he called me by my real name, “Sup, fearless?!”

Which makes me wonder when the hell did any of this intimidation happen? When did boys become unapproachable? Why do they now render me speechless? Although some of them are good looking, talented and fun to watch, they are still just gangly boys, and I should still be fearless. Especially since I am just as capable, and none of them get rebounds.

In celebration and motivation, my newest resolution for 2013 is to play basketball with the boys at the gym and reawaken that fearless girl inside of me.